Bastardisation of the East: OPENING A CAN OF LEECHES

Thursday, January 20, 2005

OPENING A CAN OF LEECHES

There are healthier and more wholesome things to be doing at this time of day. I could be sleeping [too conventional], frightening my darling neighbours by being aggresive and anti-social [too easy] or rounding up the drunk population of my town and playing kiss-chase with a stun-gun [not two nights in row...]. Instead I thought i'd publish my first ever blog comment.
I was coaxed into this decision by learning that Michelle Branch is the finest example of a woman on this planet. Having long thought that Penélope Cruz had this job I thought I would express my shock and surprise. Unfortunately, being a retard I can't post a picture to allow a comparison, but I think it is worth pointing out that unlike Michelle Branch [elegantly snuggling up to dead guitar hero Dimebag, below] Miss Cruz does NOT have third degree burns on her shoulder. Is it some kind of new messed-up fashion statement..? Now, behold the most pitiful segueway into a new paragraph ever seen on a blog:

I've been invited to participate in this anti-social project on the understanding that I write as many inflamatory comments as possible about the bizarre fashion trends in the UK, a subject I am unfortunately familiar with myself [in the same way that George Bush 2 is "unfortunately familiar" with brain damage]. My foreign friends have asked me many questions about this subject, and in my next post I will try and shed some light on perhaps the strangest new trend: the role of puppy fat as a makeshift belt among young ladies.
There. See how i used the word fashion to link one paragraph with the next? Smooth. Smooth as a piece of sandpaper. I studied journalism for three years at university learning how to pull things like that off.

¶ posted by the leech at 3:26 AM

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