What IS inside David Beckham's head?
Just a quick post reacting the earth-shattering news that Forest Gump's slightly stupider cousin has become a father for the third time. I'd like to congratulate him... I really would but I'm having difficulties becuase, having already prepared "Brooklyn" and the even less fortunate "Romeo" for a bleak future of playground hell the empty headed one has played his sickest prank yet.
Cruz Beckham. The implications are mind-bending. This is hardly the first time the Beckhams have experimented disasterously with being ersatz exotics [his wife's name is misspelled on a tattoo on his arm in Urdu: the language of love], but this time it will be the poor kid who falls flat on his face.
As many people know, especially those with more refined taste in women, "Cruz" is generally [ie 99% of the time] a surname. I await the poor bastard who gets named "Smith" or "Jones" by his Spanish immigrant parents, but then again I doubt there are many so cruel or stupid. The other 1% of the time it is used as a very traditional, conservative and outdated name: FOR GIRLS. But generally it just means cross, convenient as that poor little mite is going to get crucified in whichever country he grows up. I can only hope his father can pronounce his name [it's cruTH, to the Spanish speaking world, who are also no doubt pissing themselves]. I sincerely hope they haven't been trying for a girl all this time. If they don't get one soon this madness could get quite dangerous. To Mr Beckham I can only recommend that he doesn't have this name tattooed anywhere. When the kid changes it the operation will be REALLY painful.
"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere." - George W. Bush (March 24, 2004)