Sunday, February 20, 2005
  What IS inside David Beckham's head?
Just a quick post reacting the earth-shattering news that Forest Gump's slightly stupider cousin has become a father for the third time. I'd like to congratulate him... I really would but I'm having difficulties becuase, having already prepared "Brooklyn" and the even less fortunate "Romeo" for a bleak future of playground hell the empty headed one has played his sickest prank yet.
Cruz Beckham. The implications are mind-bending. This is hardly the first time the Beckhams have experimented disasterously with being ersatz exotics [his wife's name is misspelled on a tattoo on his arm in Urdu: the language of love], but this time it will be the poor kid who falls flat on his face.
As many people know, especially those with more refined taste in women, "Cruz" is generally [ie 99% of the time] a surname. I await the poor bastard who gets named "Smith" or "Jones" by his Spanish immigrant parents, but then again I doubt there are many so cruel or stupid. The other 1% of the time it is used as a very traditional, conservative and outdated name: FOR GIRLS. But generally it just means cross, convenient as that poor little mite is going to get crucified in whichever country he grows up. I can only hope his father can pronounce his name [it's cruTH, to the Spanish speaking world, who are also no doubt pissing themselves]. I sincerely hope they haven't been trying for a girl all this time. If they don't get one soon this madness could get quite dangerous. To Mr Beckham I can only recommend that he doesn't have this name tattooed anywhere. When the kid changes it the operation will be REALLY painful.
Beckham is not gay. Although I find it extremely disturbing how many football fanatics (especially guys), Man U fans to be precise, have some weird, unhealthy obsession with him as a pin-up in their bedrooms. Eeew.
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