Blondes and Monkeys
I guess the highlight of the day today is that I got bitten by a monkey and nearly blacked out. Ugh. Here I am awkwardly typing on my laptop with a plaster on one of my fingers. That was one hell of a bite!! In case you're all wondering, we've got a not-so-baby-anymore monkey as a pet (he's cute but he keeps biting on his own private parts. It's sorta amusing in a disturbed way). I was playing around with him as usual, and he always bites when he's playing, but this time he bit too hard and I was like, shit that hurt!! So there I am trying to flap my hand in a feeble attempt to shake the pain away but alas, failed. A proper inspection of my finger revealed a really deep cut. Bloody monkey. Spent a while squeezing as much blood out of the huge gaping wound (I guess I need to drink some more blood later. Dammit. Running low on stock!), but then while I was washing it off, I felt sorta dizzy and hot so I was gonna go up to my room when everything started getting blur. Aiming for the nearest sofa, my vision started being attacked by black shadows, but since it was a one-seater, I took a life-threatening risk and stumbled my way towards the three-seater sofa and dumped my fat ass on there. Then everything went black black black. And all the while I was thinking, "ooooh am I gonna faint or what?" Then I felt sorta silly cos Martha doesn't faint at the sight of blood nor because of pain, but man does Martha feel suddenly hungry!
So after being pampered by the boyfriend and stuffing my face with cheesy puffs, I decided to share this stupid story with you all and also to express my utter annoyance at blonde wannabes. That's right, blonde wannabes. But not just any blonde wannabes. I mean our asian people being blondes. No it doesn't have the slightest connection to being bitten by monkeys - oh wait, yes it does. I'm annoyed, and that's all that matters. Anyways, back to the blonde wannabes. I HATE asian blonde wannabes. It never used to be as bad a problem as it is now though. I remember when I was younger, our girls would be walking around with hair the colour of rusty door hinges. You look at hair like that and the first thing you think is that the hair's gonna fall off if you bump into it. At least that's what I think. Rusty door hinge = crumbling shit = ugly hair.
Today though, today I walk around and keep bumping into blonde heads, and they're not white, they're Bruneians! There was that one night when I was at the mall with my boyfriend, and there was a cafe with tables outside and there was a table of blonde white people, and the table next to them had some Bruneians and this blonde person sitting with her back to me. Her other friends kept staring at me and my boyfriend (I hate people who stare, I hope their eyes pop out or something...maybe they accidentally walk into metal hooks or trip and fall face flat onto some spikey road block thingies). So I say to my boyfriend, "There, one of your people." And the girl turns around, and she's not bloody white, she was one of my people! I mean, that was one ugly sight!! It didn't exactly help that she was ugly. And I'm not being bitchy, I'm just honest. And she's just one example of the many sad kids in Brunei and I'm sure the other countries around here that try so hard to look like somebody else, maybe some western celebrity they idolise or something. Either that or they just wanna look stupid, cos trust me, it does NOT suit them. But they obviously think it does, cos they walk around with their noses in the air, talking in english or malay-with-english/american-posh-accents, because of course that makes them more cooler than other locals (Yup. That's how they see it. Sad, right?), flicking their blonde hair ..... don't get me wrong, I've even seen boys do it. Bleach their hair I mean, not flicking it. Unless they have long hair. ... and even that's not attractive.
Maybe other people will say, there's nothing wrong with being blonde, even if you're not white, it's just dying your hair. Maybe they're right, but the main picture I'm trying to point out is that these kids don't see it as just a simple dye job. Apparently, out there in the outside world, being blonde is one of the ways of achieving complete westernisation of the self, and that in turn, will lead to absolute popularity cos people will think you're so cool and sophisticated and open-minded and whatever shit they can think of. I mean, what world are these people from to think like that??!
Okay, enough rambling for now. My finger hurts. Bloody monkey.
"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere." - George W. Bush (March 24, 2004)